The Great Facepalm: The Farce of 21st Century Normality

So, it's been a long time, but my book is finally available for sale. Most of the posts on this site were deleted as this was merely a testing ground for my book, a platform to hone the work into a chiseled, finished product. So....without further ado.

The Great Facepalm: The Farce of 21st Century Normaliy

"Have you ever taken a long, hard look at today's society, slapped your hand over your face, and wondered how we've made it this far as a species?

In The Great Facepalm: The Farce of 21st Century Normality, author Phillip McCarron recounts the sordid state of our culture, observing how society has begun to parody its own preposterous stereotypes as it plummets to the same grisly end as the fallen civilizations of yesteryear. Through a blend of brazen humor and philosophical insight, humanity’s corrosive tendencies are made readily apparent. 

Touching on the more superficial matters in life such as the absurdity of today's bar scene, soulless fame-junkies, and our toxic obsession with social media, the author provides an amusing commentary on our deluded self-image and the gross compulsion to over-share our over-hyped achievements. Delving into the more grievous issues plaguing our society, he also weighs in on political dysfunction, the American healthcare fiasco, the indignity of shameless consumerism, and the growing disconnect between education and employment. 

This collection of articles offers up the unique perspective of one man’s observations, musings, and opinions on the ridiculousness of everyday life. Analyzing hot-button social issues, to which we can all relate, and exposing the follies of an all-too-familiar cast of characters, it skirts the line between hilarious and grim, as the tragedy of reality is as manic as it is depressing. So prepare to have your belief systems probed, your sense of humor stretched to the limit, and your snow globe smashed with sledgehammer on an enlightening journey through the world’s fractured collective psyche."


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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L51WEMA

THE AMERICAN MENTALITY: CONCEITED CUNT SYNDROME

It’s the land of the free, well the illusion of free anyway, and the home of the ego maniacs. 

Imagine for a moment you are at a raging house party.  The place is packed to the rafters with an eclectic mix of drunks and everyone is enjoying themselves.  While sipping on a cheap beer, some well built guy in a tank top sashays into the room, flexing his muscles like a bodybuilder in a strongman competition, and announces,

“Check me out…I’m the greatest person in the room!”

The first thing that would pop into your head would be something along the lines of,

“What a douche!  I hope he trips and smashes his face on the counter top, fucking smug jackass!”

You would then proceed to talk shit about this douchebag to your friends, which is perfectly acceptable in today’s society.  Anyone that encounters an ego maniac thinks the same thing,

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

As a society, we like the great people of this world to be modest and humble.  We want them to be a talisman of what we, as human beings, can achieve.  So anytime I hear an American say,

“America is the greatest nation in the world!” 

It drives me fucking mental!  What happened to the strong silent types?

The pole baring the flag of shameful self-promotion has been thrust into the decomposing corpse of humility and respect, so tragic.  If there is a need to inform everyone you happen to cross paths with about how ‘great’ you are, then your greatness obviously isn’t that apparent, which in essence defeats the entire concept of greatness altogether.

It would seem that America’s definition of patriotism has mutated into a highly potent form of Conceited Cunt Syndrome (CCS), last seen at a similar strength in the days of the Holy Roman Empire.  However CCS was most recently seen with the rise and fall of the British Empire, which is kind of fitting is it not?  Like father like son.

The World according to America.

Being proud of one’s heritage is an honorable thing, and I am in no way insinuating that pride for ones country be diminished, but please just keep it to yourself huh?  The idea of one country or set of ideals being better than another is a subjective matter, much like an opinion, there can be no right or wrong, winner or loser.  The fantastic people of Marrakesh probably have the belief that Morocco is the greatest country in the world, but you don’t see them perched on their mud brick roofs screaming “Morocco is the greatest nation in the world!”  Of course they wouldn’t be screaming it in English as the French staked claim to that part of Africa when the world was being carved up, poor bastards.  I pity anyone that had to suffer the indignity of listening to the French language, it sounds like a drunken stroke victim mumbling.

I’ve been told I should steer this rant back on topic, and though I agree with that advice, in no way am I going to do it subtly. 

The only logical explanation as to why America claims to be the ‘greatest nation in the world’ has to be that they won a competition for it, after all America is built solely on competing.  I’m assuming it would be like any other competition in America, only America can compete and the winner is named ‘World Champion’.  I’m curious as to what the criteria on the scorecards for the ‘Greatest Nation in the World’ idol were?

Richest?  Best beaches?  Lowest crime rate?  Tallest building?  Biggest army?  Infrastructure grade?  Most boob jobs? 

And who judges this ridiculous competition?  Please don’t tell me it’s fucking Simon Cowell, he’s already killed the music industry and the last thing we need is for him to be let loose on the political stage!

Let’s assume this wasn’t a competition that only America could compete in, yet the winner is crowned world champion, much like Major League Baseball (baseball sucks by the way.)  Let’s also assume that the other 197 or so countries sharing the crust of the earth with America were allowed to drop their names into the hat.

If every leader of all 197 or so countries had a vote, I guarantee that no winner would be declared, because every leader will cast their vote for their own country.  As in their opinion, their country is the greatest.  

How can greatness be defined?

It can’t.  So in short, shut the fuck up and keep your opinion about what country you think is the greatest to yourself!  You might just earn respect for your achievements in the international community instead of trying to beat it into them with military force.  

America is a young country and the way I see it they are going through the teenage phase in their life, where they want to prove that they are the coolest and most successful of all their friends.  It’s nothing new as The United Kingdom, France, Germany, Spain and all the other European giants went through that phase centuries ago.  After all the wars over land, wars over religion and colonization to spread their way of life, the big boys of Europe realized that no one really gave a shit.  They realized that the people they were trying to impress were happy long before they showed up and would be happy again if they just left. 

Point in case being the British Empire…like father like son.

Hurry up and grow up America, because right now you are the whiny little cunts of the international community, the ones trying to force your views on the globe to prove how cool you are.  It didn’t work centuries ago in Europe and it won’t work now.  Give up while you’re ahead and just be happy amongst yourselves without having to tell every cunt you meet how awesome you think you are.  

Alternatively, enjoy being that jackass at the party that everyone wants to see drink too much, throw up over themselves, lose control of their bodily functions and ultimately end the night sitting in their own feces as we all point and laugh.

BIG GUYS IN BARS: PEERING INTO THE MIND OF A DOUCHETARD

I was under the impression that Sir David Attenborough had narrated a documentary on all species of life living on the planet.  However it would appear the he missed one, the Modern Neanderthal Man.

Exhibit A: Four douchetards

You all know the extremely vain douches I’m talking about.  After months of hitting the gym and injecting steroids into his ass, he will be built like a bomb shelter and his ‘guns’ will be so big he couldn’t possibly reach his arm around his back to wipe his own ass.  His hair will be gelled to perfection and he will of course be wearing tight fitting ‘Designer’ clothes.  Typically loud and the center of attention, his vocabulary will be extremely poor with anything pertaining to topics other than cars and sports.  There will be strategically placed pubic patches over his face and for good measure look for a stud earring, just the one mind you, and a shit load of fake tan to boot.

Are we all on the same page now?  Do you know the dicks I’m talking about?

What the fuck is their deal?  A normal person casually walks into a bar only to be stared down by some chemically mutated freak that thinks because he can bench 250 lbs he’s the mutt’s nuts.  Fuck him!  I’m surprised he hasn’t pissed on the bar stools to mark his territory.  Primal jackass!  I mean after all, he is nothing more than a slightly over evolved gorilla trying to live in a civilized society.

But whatever, fuck him, I’m just here for a drink.  I’ll leave the cunt alone and he won’t bother me, and since his vision is based on movement I should slip under his radar undetected.  Well after a few pints my eyes begin to wander, as they do, and I happen to catch a glance of a couple of the girls he’s with, and I do mean a glance.  It’s not as if he caught me with my cock out, wanking my weasel as I eye fucked his groupie tramp squadron!  Nevertheless, 3.2 seconds later he’s charged his way over to me, chest spread wide and arms about as high as he can raise them without ripping his 5 sizes too small shirt.  He mumbled an incoherent string of grunts, which when translated into modern English, sounded a bit like,

“You looking at my girlfriend bro?”

Wow, how original!  Is he fucking serious?  I just happened to catch a glance of his Chlamydia ridden skank posse as I took in my surroundings, and he’s jacked up like I’ve just raped his dog and killed his mother…wait a minute…no, no that’s right.  Now it’s an impossible situation, as no matter what I say I am going to lose.  Imagine trying to have a logical conversation with a roid raging, punch-drunk boxer that doesn’t know he’s deaf, but still talks like he’s deaf.  Despite being audibly challenged, he knows he still has to effectively assert his dominance over his herd of equally retarded social mutants through a barrage of intimidating squawks.  This level of aggressive paranoia is often referred to as ‘DEFCUNT 1.’  Absolutely no sense, by the definition of the word, can be talked into these simple minded, idiotic cunt badgers we will call ‘douchetard.’

That’s right douchetard, I accidentally caught a fleeting glimpse of your make-up slathered whore patrol (by the way I did catch a glimpse up their skirts and their beef curtains looked like something out of the cheap cuts section at the butchers) and now the only way in your underdeveloped mind to solve things, apparently, is to have a fight.  Brilliant, how delightfully primal!  Why didn’t I think of that!  Of course, throwing a fist into someone else’s face is the solution to all problems.  It seems so obvious now!  This douchetard must have been damaged at the molecular level.  What a fucking idiot!  Does he not realize that 99% of the people that look at him go on to believe in the theory of evolution?  Rightfully so, he is walking living proof of what an under evolved version of us with no reason or common sense skills looks and acts like.

Anyone with a dreadfully below average IQ and lack of common reasoning skills should be subject to euthanasia.  For fuck’s sake, do people not realize douchetards like this will actually breed!  But how they manage to breed is beyond me.  Apparently women are attracted to egomaniacal dickheads that think a ‘popped’ collar is cool.  That statement above alone speaks volumes.  So for the future of humanity I am pleading with the women of this world to fuck guys that at least have some intelligence, common sense, and basic motor skills!  

Don’t allow these mutated douchetards to create future generations of degenerates.  

Fuck a geek and save the world!



Written By: Phil M.

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