THE AMERICAN MENTALITY: CONCEITED CUNT SYNDROME

It’s the land of the free, well the illusion of free anyway, and the home of the ego maniacs. 

Imagine for a moment you are at a raging house party.  The place is packed to the rafters with an eclectic mix of drunks and everyone is enjoying themselves.  While sipping on a cheap beer, some well built guy in a tank top sashays into the room, flexing his muscles like a bodybuilder in a strongman competition, and announces,

“Check me out…I’m the greatest person in the room!”

The first thing that would pop into your head would be something along the lines of,

“What a douche!  I hope he trips and smashes his face on the counter top, fucking smug jackass!”

You would then proceed to talk shit about this douchebag to your friends, which is perfectly acceptable in today’s society.  Anyone that encounters an ego maniac thinks the same thing,

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

As a society, we like the great people of this world to be modest and humble.  We want them to be a talisman of what we, as human beings, can achieve.  So anytime I hear an American say,

“America is the greatest nation in the world!” 

It drives me fucking mental!  What happened to the strong silent types?

The pole baring the flag of shameful self-promotion has been thrust into the decomposing corpse of humility and respect, so tragic.  If there is a need to inform everyone you happen to cross paths with about how ‘great’ you are, then your greatness obviously isn’t that apparent, which in essence defeats the entire concept of greatness altogether.

It would seem that America’s definition of patriotism has mutated into a highly potent form of Conceited Cunt Syndrome (CCS), last seen at a similar strength in the days of the Holy Roman Empire.  However CCS was most recently seen with the rise and fall of the British Empire, which is kind of fitting is it not?  Like father like son.

The World according to America.

Being proud of one’s heritage is an honorable thing, and I am in no way insinuating that pride for ones country be diminished, but please just keep it to yourself huh?  The idea of one country or set of ideals being better than another is a subjective matter, much like an opinion, there can be no right or wrong, winner or loser.  The fantastic people of Marrakesh probably have the belief that Morocco is the greatest country in the world, but you don’t see them perched on their mud brick roofs screaming “Morocco is the greatest nation in the world!”  Of course they wouldn’t be screaming it in English as the French staked claim to that part of Africa when the world was being carved up, poor bastards.  I pity anyone that had to suffer the indignity of listening to the French language, it sounds like a drunken stroke victim mumbling.

I’ve been told I should steer this rant back on topic, and though I agree with that advice, in no way am I going to do it subtly. 

The only logical explanation as to why America claims to be the ‘greatest nation in the world’ has to be that they won a competition for it, after all America is built solely on competing.  I’m assuming it would be like any other competition in America, only America can compete and the winner is named ‘World Champion’.  I’m curious as to what the criteria on the scorecards for the ‘Greatest Nation in the World’ idol were?

Richest?  Best beaches?  Lowest crime rate?  Tallest building?  Biggest army?  Infrastructure grade?  Most boob jobs? 

And who judges this ridiculous competition?  Please don’t tell me it’s fucking Simon Cowell, he’s already killed the music industry and the last thing we need is for him to be let loose on the political stage!

Let’s assume this wasn’t a competition that only America could compete in, yet the winner is crowned world champion, much like Major League Baseball (baseball sucks by the way.)  Let’s also assume that the other 197 or so countries sharing the crust of the earth with America were allowed to drop their names into the hat.

If every leader of all 197 or so countries had a vote, I guarantee that no winner would be declared, because every leader will cast their vote for their own country.  As in their opinion, their country is the greatest.  

How can greatness be defined?

It can’t.  So in short, shut the fuck up and keep your opinion about what country you think is the greatest to yourself!  You might just earn respect for your achievements in the international community instead of trying to beat it into them with military force.  

America is a young country and the way I see it they are going through the teenage phase in their life, where they want to prove that they are the coolest and most successful of all their friends.  It’s nothing new as The United Kingdom, France, Germany, Spain and all the other European giants went through that phase centuries ago.  After all the wars over land, wars over religion and colonization to spread their way of life, the big boys of Europe realized that no one really gave a shit.  They realized that the people they were trying to impress were happy long before they showed up and would be happy again if they just left. 

Point in case being the British Empire…like father like son.

Hurry up and grow up America, because right now you are the whiny little cunts of the international community, the ones trying to force your views on the globe to prove how cool you are.  It didn’t work centuries ago in Europe and it won’t work now.  Give up while you’re ahead and just be happy amongst yourselves without having to tell every cunt you meet how awesome you think you are.  

Alternatively, enjoy being that jackass at the party that everyone wants to see drink too much, throw up over themselves, lose control of their bodily functions and ultimately end the night sitting in their own feces as we all point and laugh.